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MEAL STEWARD’S REPORT TO MANSFIELD 41 CLUB’S A.G.M.

I was recently a guest at the AGM of Mansfield 41 Club. The highlight of an excellent evening came in the unlikely form of the meal steward’s report. Philip Richmond , the author, was too politely modest to publish this painstakingly professional piece of pi**takery, but pleasingly pledged to post me paper for possible publication. This pinnacle of penmanship predicates the precise value of punctilious preparation in the presentation of potentially piddling propositions, possibly preventing palaver and pandemonium in the proceedings and promoting pleasure in the participants.

Plainly put, I perceive Philip’s proficiently palatable paragraphs to be a paragon of professional performance deserving paeans of praise from Padiham to Putney and possibly places such as Perth, ( Australia ) and Portugal. Please patiently pardon my pathetic parody, or perfunctory pastiche, of Philip’s pearls of patter. Publish!

Seriously, a little preparation can transform what might otherwise be a boring report into something memorable. I hope you agree with me that the opus below deserves a wider audience.

Yours in continued friendship

Andy Waite

Wakefield and White Knights 41 Clubs

MEAL STEWARD’S REPORT TO MANSFIELD 41 CLUB’S A.G.M.

I have been asked if I get P'd off doing the job of meal steward. Here is my reply -

Plenty of people perhaps privately ponder the precise purpose provided by provision of this particular perennial position.

A proportion of persons present perhaps pronounce perverse preference this post did not persist. Such postulation is plainly pointless. The penny pinching possibilities propounded by a predictable portion of people who prattle on proposed preferred pet procedures should be poo pooed per se as patently impractical.

Pleasingly, a pronounced percentage do proclaim preference for pursuance of the post - and persistently promote permanence of the present, possibly perfect, position.

The precise purpose for the person performing this procedure is to painstakingly predict, by pre-arranged and prior preparation, a prognosis of probable portions for purveyors to provide of, perhaps, pork, plaice or poultry - accompanied by peas, potatoes and, possibly, parsnips. Some may express pronounced pangs for prawn pizza, pheasant pate, pepperoni - or other such putrid pap. Pease pudding is unpopular - except by persons of plainly un-epicurian palate (who may be particularly partial) - but improbable to be provided.

Puddings, for those plainly more prone to paunch than six pack, can be plum or pecan pie. Pineapple is perfectly peachy - but pastry most popular. Profiteroles are pleasant - but pancakes professed as problematical to provide.

Such perfect repast is partaken in palatial places, or pretty pubs, by pre-booked persons - some of whom are prominent prosperous professionals and others (if I may permit) portly pensioners.

All is accompanied by prolific pints, or plentiful plonk - and even, possibly, a passable post prandial port - until pleasantly part paralytic.

Whilst Perrier is permissible, piña colada is presumed principally the province preferred by pooftas, pinkos and pansies.

Precise planning having been paramount, plenty is provided and the possibility of prolific peckishness prevented.

The price, pre-arranged by previous phoning, is preferably perceived by persons paying as pleasantly painless.

Put purely, the precise purpose of this post is now plainly propounded. As for me being P'd off- I leave that possibility for members to privately ponder!

Philip